Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Sex and Chronic Pain ~ My Take on This Subject

Sex and Chronic Pain  
I've been attending the Invisible Illness Awareness Virtual Conference this week when it dawned on me.  "Why isn't anyone talking about sex and having an invisible illness"?! 

Is it because it's a sensitive topic?  Can't be because people aren't talking about it because over the years I've had women ask me, "Are you still intimate when you're in such terrible pain"? 
Let's face it...perhaps being intimate may be the last thing on your mind.  Or it could be that like me, you have physical limitations along with your pain that make certain positions intolerable.  Maybe the 2 of you still want to maintain the physical relationship and just don't really know where to go from there for help.

The first time I was asked the question I was a bit shocked.  Unlike my other girlfriends I refuse to discuss my husband and I's sex life over lunch.  I just didn't do it!  But the person who asked me was also suffering from a severe chronic pain condition and was married.  I could see that she was not only hurting physically but emotionally too.  So, I decided to break my rule and have a heart to heart with her. 

In our marriage it was my husband who first expressed his frustration after I had completed rehab from a car accident 12 years ago.  I was in therapy at the time so I mentioned it during my session. I had a fantastic therapist who's specialty was chronic pain patients.  She let me vent and cry and than gave me some very good advice, such as, not being afraid to plan for our special night, being creative and encouraging ongoing communication with my husband.  Over the years we're still being creative, communicating and occasionally spontaneous.   Oh, and never underestimated the power of an afternoon nap!

I've included a couple of links that I've found helpful. I hope you will too!

Being creative

supportive products  

2 comments:

Along A Widowed Road said...

Hi Rona
I've been following your blog as your a fellow San Diegian. I can't imagine what kind of pain you go through. I'm sorry that this is a ongoing thing for you.
I wanted to say your latest hairstyle or wig is super cute on you.

Take care and have a good rest of the week.

Viola

BerryMorins Bits & Tips said...

Viola,
Thank you for your kind words.
ps it is a wig

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